Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
