Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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