Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
