The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
