You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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