quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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