i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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