i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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