So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
