I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
