i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
