Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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