Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
