totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
