He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
