She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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