Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
