Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
