Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
