I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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