i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
