cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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