Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Princesses don't give blow jobs
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
