A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
