And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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