home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
