First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is my gift to your gina
Bring me that man meat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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