hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
