There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
