Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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