I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize