i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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