I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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