i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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