how can u be prego again
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
