I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize