I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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