I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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