guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
