Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
