Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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