dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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