You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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