I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
