What a fucking waste of an outfit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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