No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
