Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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