There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
