I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
