Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
