Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
