garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
