I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
