im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
